i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
