Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
