RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
