I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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