Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
