Don't you send me to vm
my sisters under your porch take her home
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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