The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
