well you can't waste a boner
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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