I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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