Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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