I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I've blown a few things in my day
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
