I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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