Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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