Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
