is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
