she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
True college students do jello shots in the library
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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