One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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