ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Such a big mess for such a small penis
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
