I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
