If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
