all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
