So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Pants are for mortals
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
