Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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