I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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