so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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