they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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