he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
