in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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