Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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