I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize