Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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