You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
