You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
