You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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