The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
