yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
