she woke up with a sticky ear
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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