no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize