Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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