i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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