Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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