Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Blood and glitter go together right?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
