I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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