One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
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She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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