Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
