I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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