Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
