Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
