Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Randomize
