Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
