Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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