First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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