Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
