I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
