I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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