Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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