Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
