We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
