Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I love you. Go after that dick
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
