Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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