She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
