New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
