Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
