so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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