He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
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It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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