would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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