oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
