omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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